In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.~Dalai Lama
Old Is Relative
43 years ago today I was born… Sometimes it feels like it was centuries ago and sometimes it feels like it was just last week…
When I was a child, 43 was old! Everyone I knew in their 40s were ready for the nursing home, but they also seemed to have their lives together… They knew who they were and what they were doing… Or so it seemed to little me.
Now that I’m 43, it doesn’t seem so old. High school was just last year, wasn’t it? I’m not sure where these teenagers came from or why they look at me as a parent figure… I’m not ready for this!
I haven’t figured out life yet and it’s probably more than half over for me. How can I guide them?
How did the years slip by so quickly, and I don’t feel like I’m much different?
I am different though. I’ve put a lot of effort into changing who I am. But why? Why are we here? What is the purpose of life? I know, this question has been asked forever.
We all have our own surface answer, even if it’s “I don’t know”. What’s under that ready answer though? What if you keep asking why?
My answer to why are we here is “to learn and to grow”. That’s my easy, always at the ready conclusion I’ve reached after 43 years of life. I can throw it around as easily as a frisbee…
But why? Why are we here to learn and to grow? Hmm… That’s easy. To reach enlightenment.
But why do we need to reach enlightenment? Umm… I don’t know. Because it’s better than being unenlightened maybe?
Why is it better? I don’t really know.
Why aren’t we already enlightened? …
Why didn’t we just stay where we were before we came here? …
If you keep asking why, you’ll eventually realize you don’t know all the answers to why we’re here, no matter what your belief is. This is true for all questions such as where we go after this, why do bad things happen and why do we procrastinate…
So What Do I Do?
I have no answer for this question. I still feel like the 12 year old me, only with a lot less time to figure out what to do with my life. My life hasn’t taken a course I could’ve predicted. I started out as an artist and did that thing for a few years.
Seven years ago I took a government job that I hated because it was “time to grow up”… I was hurt just about a year ago on the job, had shoulder surgery and have been on temporary disability which is about to run out.
I’ve created this blog and am trying to figure out how to make a living online since no jobs have come my way. The funny thing is, I don’t like staring at the computer all the time…
I prefer the real world… Being outside, making physical things. Spiritually, I practice Core Shamanism as it fits in with my love of nature and my personal understanding of reality… I study all religions and spiritual practices though.
The digital world seems unreal to me, yet it’s where I’ve been spending most of my time. I never could have predicted I would find myself here at the age of 43.
Why? I don’t know… Is this the path for me? I think so. The internet allows me to reach so many more people that I could in my tiny Florida town.
Why do I want to reach others? To help them, I guess… Why? Because that’s my calling maybe? Why? I don’t know…
Why is an uncomfortable word. I wish I had more of my life figured out and I had more concrete answers for the whys…
I’m happy though. I’m home alone with the animals. I let the chickens out to free range this morning and now they’re on the front porch, looking at me through the glass door.
I think melding the natural world I love with the digital world is the path for me… We’ll see.
Why do you think this is your path? OH, SHUT UP WHY!