You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. ~Paulo Coelho
How can I be detached from outcomes?
Detachment from situations and results is necessary if getting to know your true self is the goal. It’s difficult to remain emotionally uninvolved when surrounded by problems and outcomes.
Emotional attachment colors our perception of a situation, and prevents clear, rational thought.
Emotional attachment takes us out of the present, where reality exists, and leads us into “whys?” and “what ifs?”.
Being attached to a particular outcome in a situation can cause the desired result to not manifest. We become unbalanced, obsessive and unable to allow our life story to unfold.
If we spend too much effort trying to influence results, we’re focusing too much on one aspect when we don’t know what’s really best for us in the long run.
Life has a way of working itself out, even if we don’t understand the individual steps that lead to the conclusion.
Be detached and open to what is
Detachment is a difficult skill to cultivate, but it is necessary if contentment in life is desired. None of us get everything we want, and that’s a good thing. Think back ten years or more, and recall something that you yearned for but didn’t get. Usually it was for the best that your yearning wasn’t fulfilled… I wanted to stay with my teenage years love interest forever. We didn’t, and I’m thankful for that!
So much good has come into my life since then, and because we didn’t stay together. I couldn’t at the time predict or even imagine what my future held. By trying to force the situation of us staying together, all I did was bring pain into my then present… And the result was still the same.
Do your best, then wait and see
Doug and I are not advising you to just accept whatever happens in life without making efforts to change. This is unhealthy, and a sure path to unhappiness.
Detachment comes into play after all efforts are made, when you’ve given your best and the results are unknown. Sometimes things work as we wish, and sometimes they don’t.
Being too attached to the result of an honest effort will not change the result, and will only bring heartache. Do your best, set up the steps for success and send your desire out into the world. If it works out like you wish, great! If not, rework your ideas, try again and see what happens. Sadness and emotional breakdowns are not productive.
Creative effort brings about change. Fully thinking through a situation and making conscious decision with a clear mind will lead to the desired results more often than emotional longings that aren’t backed up with effort and realistic goals.
We never have the full picture of our life, and aren’t able to know what will be best for us in the long run. Sometimes things don’t work as we wish. It’s OK to be disappointed. But keep a level of detachment from the result… Don’t get too emotionally invested. If you do, you may miss the door that opened as you cry about the one which just closed…
Use your own life experiences to see how detachment makes everything easier. Think back to when you were a teenager. Think of something you wanted more than anything and didn’t get. How did you feel when things didn’t go as you wished? Did being upset change the situation? What is better in your life because things didn’t go like you wanted them to back then? Would detachment have made the situation easier to handle?
Life is no different today, no matter how old you are. We’ll get what we want sometimes, and sometimes we won’t. Eventually though, we’ll see that everything worked out as it should… Trusting this process and remaining a bit removed from results will lead to more happiness in the present… And the present is where we exist.