No baby, if you’re going to create you’re going to create whether you work 16 hours a day in a coal mine or you’re going to create in a small room with 3 children while you’re on welfare, you’re going to create with part of your mind and your body blown away, you’re going to create blind crippled demented, you’re going to create with a cat crawling up your back while the whole city trembles in earthquake, bombardment, flood and fire. Baby, air and light and time and space have nothing to do with it and don’t create anything except maybe a longer life to find new excuses for ~Charles Bukowski
It’s been hard to stay creative these past few days. Monday, December 16th, is when I go to court to try and gain custody of Daughter 2, or at the very least prevent her mother from moving her hundreds of miles away.
I’ve been trying to juggle everything that needs to get done- Preparing a narrative for court, making sure my arguments are in order, running around collecting information and meeting with my attorney… And maintaining my blog and my relationship with my readers.
It feels like there are roadblocks in my path lately… I haven’t been able to concentrate on writing and illustrating as much as I want to…
I haven’t been researching how to expand my blog, or business strategies, or how to market products…
I’ve been plugging away, doing the minimum of blog duties- I post, I answer my messages and I read some other blogs (but not enough lately).
I thought I was burning out… Until Doug brought me the photo I keep on my desk.
It seems like only yesterday that my daughter came home from the hospital all pink and bald… I still think of her as she is in this photo… As my baby.
I realized I’m not burning out on blogging… I love what I’m doing and the relationships I’m developing while doing it.
I’m not burning out, I just don’t have a lot of spare emotions left lately, after facing the idea that I may see my daughter an awful lot less than I do now…
Life will stamp out you desire to create, to change and to improve if you let it. Or, it will inspire you, drive you and reshape you into whatever you wish to be.
The choice is in how you deal with all the issues that crop up and get in the way of what you really want to be doing.
The next few days (and today too) are going to take a toll on me and my desire to create… If I let them. I feel like curling up in a ball and waking up when it’s over… But I won’t… I haven’t. I wrote this post instead.
And now I’ll go do the other stuff that needs to get done- The legal stuff, the argument preparation, the worrying in spite of myself…
I’m not burned out on blogging, or on life… I’m burned out on fear and worrying… But I can change that. How I react to a situation is entirely up to me, and I’m tired of feeling upside down in life.
- Don’t Create Misery For Yourself. (dougdoeslife.com)