Doug and I hit a wall. We felt as if we couldn’t visualize what we wanted from life. There was a blockage which almost seemed to be alive. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t begin to think about what we wanted, and where we wanted to be.
Being cheeky monkeys, we began to think of this inner conflict as a separate entity. By doing this, we were able to begin a dialogue with this pain in our monkey butts who stifled us every time we tried to find a path.
This creature turned out to be an amorphous blob of self doubt. While we didn’t actually name it, we drew a picture of it to better visualize our opponent. Now that our inner turmoil had a face, we began to pay attention to it. As we studied this beast, we noticed it kept repeating “What am I going to do?” and “Who am I?”.
Doug thought up some questions to ask it, hoping to gain insight into why it has become so active in our lives. We asked “WhoamI” (I guess we did name him) the following questions, and her readily provided answers…
- Why are you here now?- “I’m here because you ignore me. You pushed me aside and I kept growing. Instead of confronting me, you pretended I didn’t exist. Now, I’m too big to ignore.”.
- What do you want from us?- “I want you to finally choose. I want you to commit to your desires. I want you to discover what you really want. I want you to find peace, so I can transform into something useful.”.
- What are you here to give us? What lesson are you sharing?-“I’m here to give you a kick. You need to become your authentic self, and I’m forcing you to do this. You have to confront me because I’ve become too powerful to co-exist peacefully with. I’m here to force you into choosing,into becoming. You drew me as an ugly creature, but in time you will be grateful that I came to you”.
What conflict or crisis are you dealing with right now that is holding you back?Think about what this conflict looks like. Name this crisis if you can come up with one.
Draw a picture of what this conflict looks like. You don’t have to be an artist, nor do you have to hang it on your refrigerator. The reason for drawing what this thing looks like is to put a face on it. You want to personify your conflict, so you can talk with it.
Now that you know what your conflict looks like and maybe even it’s name,think of some questions to ask it. What do you want from me? Why are you here at this time in my life? What lessons do you have to teach me? How do I make you go away? Write these questions down, and any other ones that seem relevant to your particular conflict.
Write your questions down. Ask your conflict each question out loud. What is it’s answer? Be patient. Ask more than once if you have to. Your conflict will be grateful that you are acknowledging it, and will be eager to answer. After all, it is a part of you. It uses a lot of energy to exist and be a sore spot for you. Your conflict would rather be a happy thought about butterfly gunslingers or baby rainbows being born…
Read over your questions and the answers that you got. What can you learn about the shape of your conflict? What can you do to help it become something useful to you?
Endings are difficult. Beginnings are exciting! What about yours? Find out how you can’t have one without the other next.